31.10.04
when will this end?

when will all the anguish end?
the pain, the drama, the bleeding.
sometimes, the pain is just too much.
im ok, i swear...
or not.
these scars,
though they may fade with time,
are etched on my soul forever.
all
because
of you.
i am stuck on this endless,
sick cycle.
carousel?
no. not even your
worst nightmare
of a carousel
could come close to this.
i see you over
and over
and over
and over
and im tired of it.
i would
die
to breathe again.
live again.
laugh again.
love again.
they say behind my back
what does she think?
why is she so depressed?
well, i remember the day
my heart went cold.
the day my faith
was raped.
wouldnt you be depressed too?
i have more memories
than if i had lived
a thousand years.
they lie scattered
among wilted fern and rose,
almost forgotten.
but never truly.
now i lie
among those memories,
seeing nothing else.
your face
your smile
your voice
im stuck inside these
horrible memories.
you etched these scars in my soul,
did you know that?
do you even care?
i still cry myself to sleep,
just from thinking of your smile.
your smile that killed me.
i remember everything, dear.
its been just under 11 months now.
and youre still saying
we werent that close.
so, i guess, you didnt understand
that sound you heard
was my heart.
you were grinding it into the dirt.
oh, but i guess
you were too busy
listening to
omg, im so sorry.
like you were
the one with the problem.
like you were
the one getting hurt.
while i soudlessly
vanished
into oblivion.
seeing you
everyday
and crying
everyday.
youve moved on.
you make it look easy.
how could you move on?
how could you do that to me?
you promised
you wouldnt leave me alone.
but thats exactly what you did.
so now you are laying
among wilted fern and rose.
along with the old you,
the one i trusted.
along with the new me,
bleeding from 20 places,
spinning in circles.
what could make someones life
a living hell?
4 simple words.
get away from me.
...
you cut me deep.
so deep, im bleeding to death.
all because of a chemical imbalance.
a traumatized childhood.
is it really that scary?
i bet youve thought about it.
am i really so different from you?
now does it scare you
that im able to discern
what to love and what to burn?
love: you.
burn: me.
why those choices,
you may ask.
well.
ive already told you.
and now,
ill add your fuel to the fire.
that hate,
that pain,
that anguish
you caused me,
that you never felt.
never.
so dont judge what you dont understand.
just dont judge what you dont understand.
and so we return to the original question.
when will this end?

-jo.

bleeding inside since
23:02

0 comments:

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

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# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.