20.11.04
syphilis.

i let my imagination
run wild.
it contracted
syphilis.
let this be
a lesson to you.
try not to let
your mind wander.
its too small
to be outside
by itself.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
09:08

0 struck matches.

see what it was...

feel what it will be.
im lost.
again.
if only you knew, dammit.
then, you could see what it was,
feel what it will be,
and join me in my sorrow
for our souls.
but you dont.
so you cant.
and im all alone.
again.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
09:05

0 struck matches.

12.11.04
all.your.fault.

ive let myself
become you.
i look in the mirror
and see your face
if i look deep enough.
i tried to get away.
sometimes i believe
im done.
im leaving this behind.
but then i see something
that reminds me of you,
and it all. comes. crashing.
i dont know whats worth fighting for
or why i have to scream
i dont know why i lie to you,
or say what i dont mean,
i dont know how i got this way,
and i dont know how to fix it.
so now, finally,
im falling.
sliding into endless darkness.
and the last thing i see will be you.
and who knows.
i might very well
reach out and
pull you in with me.
i wont be ignored.
just because you
carved these scars in my flesh
doesnt mean you will win.
these scars will last forever,
supplementing my memory,
until all i see is you.
you will pretend
im not there
until the very last.
i wish i was more like me
and less like you.

ive been screaming for
three and a half years.
do you think
anyones heard me yet?

somehow, i dont think so.

and ive been crying
dying inside
for longer.
do you think
anyones noticed yet?

somehow, i dont think so.

and so now,
here i am,
going out of my mind.
alone.
again.
unnoticed,
unloved.
surrounded by
broken promises,
broken dreams,
and broken bits of glass
that i used to call my heart.
goodbye.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
17:57

0 struck matches.

8.11.04
dangerous.

i speak to you now with
lips i pretend are my own.
a voice i pretend is my own.
i feel im going to be sick.
instead of eating too much,
i think too much.
i need to throw up
some of these thoughts
before i do something ill regret.
something dangerous.

people say i am too young
to know whats dangerous.
i disagree.
i see danger
every time i turn my head.

i see it in the girls who carve
their crush's name in their wrists.
i see it in the boys who dont cry
when they get hurt,
but save it all up,
until they get even
with their predators,
with themselves,
using lighters and knives.

i see it in the adults who
dont even
try to understand.
they just dont
try to understnad.
they dont know
how much they are hurting
those they need to help.

i even see it in such little things:
lighters,
needles,
pieces of paper,
looks,
people.
they are dangerous,
and no one knows.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
19:55

0 struck matches.

7.11.04
flawless design...

she liked it.
the pain.
the blood.
she liked the power
she had over her own body.
she could shape it,
design it,
however she wanted.
she liked seeing her wrists,
her legs,
her scars.
she was in charge here.
or so she thought.
she could design her body
in any shape or form she wanted.
it was a priveledge,
this knowledge.
a unique opportunity.
so she jumped on that chance,
thinking of it,
dreaming of it almost.
she planned
what could be
done to her body
tomorrow.
she never knew
she could be
so thorough.
always planning,
thinking,
she moved forward.
advanced.
----or so she thought.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:28

0 struck matches.

5.11.04
i saw a boy on a train.

i wish.
that i was as invisible
as you made me feel.
that i could take back last year
and do it over again.
that you would love me again.
that you would,
if only for one second,
acknowledge
my existance again.
that i wasnt tired anymore.
that i wasnt sad anymore.
that my guilt would go away.
that my masochism would disappear.
that i would evanesce.

im sick of depending on people.
im sick of being depended upon.
im sick of loving you.

when i see the weak,
i realize
i should be bowing my head
with them.
however, i create the illusion
that i am not one of them.
when they fall to their knees
and sob,
i touch the tops
of their heads
and keep walking.
walking forever.
pretending i am strong.
pretending that i can make it.
and then i fail.

2 minutes ago,
i was in kindergarten.
2 minutes slipped away.
then 4 minutes.
then i am getting a degree
and marrying some boy.
and scooping up
sand on a beach.
everything falls through.
except you.
you stay with me.
and when,
nineteen minutes from now,
i die,
you will still be with me.
and in the next millisecond,
nothing will matter.
not. a. thing.

and, nineteen minutes from now,
when i am gone,
you will be left with nothing.
and it will not matter.
it. will. not. matter.

i saw a boy on a train.
he was wrapped in music.
he tattooed it on his body,
carried it with him,
put it in his head.
but he couldnt make it,
because his drum
was broken.
that is how i am.
i can almost touch you.
i can barely feel you.
i can hear you.
but i cant make you love me.


just. waiting.
you are never coming home.
you. are. never. coming. home.

wont you please rearrange me?
a button fell off my shirt today.
a little red button.
i looked down and saw a thread
sticking out of one of the holes.
i pulled it.
the button fell off.
i looked at it,
peering at it on the scratched desk.
i looked up and saw you,
the hatred,
the pain,
the sadness in your face.
i saw me running from the truth,
from the flames,
from the ashes.
i looked back down
at my little red button,
and pulled a big black sweatshirt
over my head
to cover the hole
the little button had left.
you. are. my. button.

rearrange me.
return my innocence.
make me good again.
wont you please rearrange me?

i love people too much.
i love people too much,
and for this reason,
i will always be alone.

alone.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
23:00

0 struck matches.

4.11.04
what have i become, my sweetest friend?

theres nothing you can say
to take this away from me.
the sight of blood calms my fears.
im itching to scream,
but there is nothing left in me.
i am floating above the realm of hopelessness
flirting with the shores of despair.
satisfy an empty inside.
im begging you to find something...
find anything in me...
something worthwhile.
if only i could love myself
then maybe i wouldnt feel the need...
feel the need to scar myself like this.
but i do,
and there is nothing you can say
to take this away from me.
to you it may seem like a false sense of accomplishment
but to me it is far too real.
i wish i could,
but i cannot stop for you.
i cannot stop for anyone.
this is what i have become...



--suffocate within

bleeding inside since
19:46

0 struck matches.

3.11.04
never felt so...

ive never felt so alive.
wait. thats not right.
ive never felt so...
beaten.
ravaged.
dead.
i will. not. meet. my. fate.
its near the end,
but not close enough to taste.
i cannot explain
the agony this causes.
im not attached to myself
or anyone
anymore.
and that is the worst sort of sorrow.
the pain you seek is me.
just. me.
i love you too much.
i love you too much,
and for this reason,
i will always be alone.
and so i walk in the rain.
i walk in the rain,
tilt up my head,
and taste someones tears.
my tears(?).
it. all. comes. crashing.
diving head first into saltwater
with a thousand wounds.
i dont, but it feels like i do.
it feels. like. i do.
you crucified my hands,
made me write
these words in blood.
my hands.
they bleed rose petals.
you picked them up,
and they crumbled to your touch.
just. like. me.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
21:11

0 struck matches.

1.11.04

throw me in the river, and say a prayer.
make me a martyr out of papier-mache and tears.
cut me down, hang me in the square
call it a circle, call it unfair

life is vicious, yes its true.
social cliques ripping reputations
life is stupid, you know its true.

youre just living a lie
holding up a tired liar

broken boundaries, trustless

-aaron

bleeding inside since
21:16

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.