5.11.04
i saw a boy on a train.

i wish.
that i was as invisible
as you made me feel.
that i could take back last year
and do it over again.
that you would love me again.
that you would,
if only for one second,
acknowledge
my existance again.
that i wasnt tired anymore.
that i wasnt sad anymore.
that my guilt would go away.
that my masochism would disappear.
that i would evanesce.

im sick of depending on people.
im sick of being depended upon.
im sick of loving you.

when i see the weak,
i realize
i should be bowing my head
with them.
however, i create the illusion
that i am not one of them.
when they fall to their knees
and sob,
i touch the tops
of their heads
and keep walking.
walking forever.
pretending i am strong.
pretending that i can make it.
and then i fail.

2 minutes ago,
i was in kindergarten.
2 minutes slipped away.
then 4 minutes.
then i am getting a degree
and marrying some boy.
and scooping up
sand on a beach.
everything falls through.
except you.
you stay with me.
and when,
nineteen minutes from now,
i die,
you will still be with me.
and in the next millisecond,
nothing will matter.
not. a. thing.

and, nineteen minutes from now,
when i am gone,
you will be left with nothing.
and it will not matter.
it. will. not. matter.

i saw a boy on a train.
he was wrapped in music.
he tattooed it on his body,
carried it with him,
put it in his head.
but he couldnt make it,
because his drum
was broken.
that is how i am.
i can almost touch you.
i can barely feel you.
i can hear you.
but i cant make you love me.


just. waiting.
you are never coming home.
you. are. never. coming. home.

wont you please rearrange me?
a button fell off my shirt today.
a little red button.
i looked down and saw a thread
sticking out of one of the holes.
i pulled it.
the button fell off.
i looked at it,
peering at it on the scratched desk.
i looked up and saw you,
the hatred,
the pain,
the sadness in your face.
i saw me running from the truth,
from the flames,
from the ashes.
i looked back down
at my little red button,
and pulled a big black sweatshirt
over my head
to cover the hole
the little button had left.
you. are. my. button.

rearrange me.
return my innocence.
make me good again.
wont you please rearrange me?

i love people too much.
i love people too much,
and for this reason,
i will always be alone.

alone.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
23:00

0 comments:

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.