31.12.04
does eternity scare you?

does eternity scare you?
hm.
well,
if it doesnt,
it should.
think of
the worst thing
you have
ever
done.
now,
imagine,
reliving that
moment
for the rest
of your life.
hm.
ok,
that sucks.
but then,
multiply that
by all of the
anger,
hate,
pain,
sadness,
lonliness,
and depression
you have
ever
felt.
and imagine
feeling that
till the
end
of
time.
now.
if that doesnt scare you,
what does?
imagine hell.
flames.
pain.
torture.
the thought of that
till the
end
of
time?
doesnt scare you?
then youre crazy.
go home.
we dont want you here.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
01:13

0 struck matches.

30.12.04
my mind...it aches.

you ask me...
what is the worst crime you can think of?
i respond,
fuckery of the mind.
to twist someone,
so irreparably,
into thinking
about certain things
for the rest
of their
miserable
life?
this
is the worst crime imaginable,
in my mind.
but oh.
my mind aches from old wounds.
from this self-same crime,
fuckery of the mind.
now i cant forgive myself,
now i cant forget,
now i will never be the same.
thanks dear.
ill take my little stalker mind
to the gallows by myself, thanks.
i need no help from you.
so now, if you please,
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
10:02

0 struck matches.

my answer to the time in question.

you present me with some time.
lovely time.
time will...
what is it?
heal all things?
wait a minute.
if time will heal all things,
why have i not begun to heal?
why am i still bleeding?
why is a knife still stuck,
twisting,
ever so slightly,
in
my
chest?
i think on this for awhile...
aha.
i understand.
time is selective.
it heals who it wants to heal,
who deserves to heal.
now i understand.
for i realise
i will never heal.
no one wants me to heal,
and i do not deserve to heal.
ah.
now i understand.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
09:50

0 struck matches.

28.12.04
maledictis, the wicked.

they are the only ones
who knows what it is
to burn.
to cry.
to freeze.
to die.
no more feeling.
no more pain.
except one.
the knife, stuck in their hearts,
twisting,
twisting,
ever so slightly,
just enough to bleed.
again.
and again.
till they are out of blood.
but it still goes on.
they are the only ones
who know what it is
to burn.
confutatis maledictis,
flammis acribus addictis.
when the wicked are confounded,
doomed to flames of woe unbounded.

damn, do i know how that feels.

no one mourns the wicked.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
18:29

0 struck matches.

27.12.04
like a match.

my life?
yeah, its like a match.
strike it,
let it burn,
look into its depths,
oh wait,
can i see...?
is there a futur-
no,
never mind.
it went out.
no future there.
nothingn there but
broken minds,
broken dreams,
and broken glass.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:20

0 struck matches.

26.12.04
sleeping insomniac.

ever seen a sleeping insomniac?
only they know the answers.
can liquid ice
end existence?
their souls are fragile,
alone,
but free.
truth is the only thing serious.
am i right?
did we, in fact,
begin time with a
heart beat,
that single,
sacred,
sound?
only the sleeping insomniacs know,
and they will never tell you.
they are called sleeping insomniacs
because they have seen
so much pain,
they can no longer sleep,
feel,
cry.
their hearts sleep.
never waking, never feeling,
only knowing it can,
and probably will,
get worse.
hence, 'sleeping insomniac'.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:14

0 struck matches.

23.12.04
i dont know me. do you?

i know everyone.
but me.
i look in the mirror
and see everyones face.
but mine.
i dont know
who i am anymore.
unable to cut,
to burn,
to breathe.
the voices
in my head
they tell me
who i am.
or rather,
who they think i am.
even they dont know.
sometimes,
i want to scream.
to scream as long
and loud as i can.
but i cant.
my art, even,
is pored over,
analyzed.
the verdict?
whatever.
they dont even know
whats going on
in my twisted,
sickened,
mind.
im a stalker now,
am i?
thats interesting.
interesting.
and you still judge.
and everyone still judges.
you judge,
but you dont understand.
you dont understand
the pain.
the pain i get
from not knowing
------who
--------i
------am.
from you.
from indifference.
from selfishness.
hey.
you want to try something?
try giving a shit.
try walking in my shoes.
try not sleeping
because you are scared to death
of what stalks the corridors
of your mind at night.
try visualizing
two hours of your life
over and over again.
try feeling
the knife stuck in my heart,
twisting,
twisting.
just try caring.
thats all i ask.
try caring.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
17:49

0 struck matches.

22.12.04
my pathetic poem of d.

d can stand for so many things.
too many bad.
depression.
destruction.
death.
but good?
dependency.
decency.
dorota.
attached
at the hip, eh?
hm. i love you.
keep in mind.
i torture myself.
you have
nothing
to do with it.
im sorry,
but i dont think
you can help me.
finally,
i will
never
leave you.
got it?
good.
sleep well, big d.
you are in my
dreams.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:49

0 struck matches.

my time is not running out.

my time is not running out,
but rather running in.
for out there is a field of dreams.
dreams with in dreams.
this is my dream.
i held a falling star.
it wept for me.
dying.
deja vu.
through the looking glass,
the wounded one,
lost between two worlds.
the angels are falling.
am i?
have you seen where i am?
lost with(in) myself.
i have no sleep,
i have no one to tell.
will no one stay with me to fight?
will i make it through the night?
save me from myself.
i can still feel you though.
you cut me deep.
so deep,
i might bleed to death.
i can feel your breath
and every heartbeat in your chest.
dammit, i think i love you.
i hate myself for loving you.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
17:29

0 struck matches.

just because.

just because you dont know what the phrase
----------im hungry
--------------------means,
it doesnt mean no one else does.
------------------------- (starving children crying)
just because you dont know what the word
----------disease
--------------------means,
it doesnt mean its totally unknown.
-------------------------(AIDS victims isolated)
just because you dont know what the words
----------poverty stricken
--------------------mean,
it doesnt mean its not uncommon.
-------------------------(India, crowded masses)
so if you are able bodied,
able minded,
dont make yourself out
to be handicapped.
until youve read about
every grey area,
every so-called
nameless statistic,
and made them real people again,
given them real faces,
real lives
again,
dont judge
what you dont understand.
just dont judge
what you dont understand.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
17:18

0 struck matches.

12.12.04
Invisible

rescue me from myself, my hell.
set me free from these death enduced chains.
im dead, and my soul has risen above me - screaming, pleading to breathe.
all i need is to disappear and i will be forever erased from you memory.
am i not good enough to feel?
to be seen?
am i not good enough to BLEED?
i scream and i cry, but yet...no one pauses to hear.
am i not good enough to be heard?
in me i am surrounded by eternal, undying fury.
i am unable to prove you wrong, because you are right.
worthless is how i lay here, spilling my blood until i plumet into an uncoiling escape.
a dreamless sleep is where i restore my broken and ravaged self
until i awak to the same hellish reality i never really left.
destroyed is my mind as i fail to obtain any true thoughts.
when you look, you never really see me.
look into my eyes and maybe you could see the hollow emptiness that they hold.
running and clawing, i thrash around at anything i can feel.
i have let you in, but you still cant see me.
but something has changed...
i no longer care.
i breathe, i bleed torment.
it flows through my veins,
carrying itself to the depths of me.
to even the ones i love most, i am merely invisible.
my sickness has spread throughout, but goes on unseen.


--S.U.F.F.O.C.A.T.E --W.I.T.H.I.N--

bleeding inside since
13:59

0 struck matches.

9.12.04
...

goddamn you,
cassie.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
14:04

0 struck matches.

5.12.04

please...
please dont leave me.
i can feel it coming over me.
that familiar feeling.
all i see is your back.
youre walking away now.
ive always loved you,
always cared.
i can hear it in your voice.
i dont mean that much to you.
youve always understood,
always been there.
everyones changing...
but i never expected you to be
so completely gone.
what was left of my heart,
you crushed.
you never really understood
that you held such a piece of it.
you dont know what youve done.
even if i spoke,
you would never hear me.
you never heard my silent cries for you.
you were my last hope.


* i miss you james...

--danielle

bleeding inside since
15:23

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.