29.3.05
dishonored.

drinking from her hand
from my hand
my lips
are stained
red.
drinking from the cup
from my cup
my mind
is stained
red.
drinking from her mind
from my mind
my world
is stained
red.
i
am
stained
red.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:37

0 struck matches.

so cold.

every night,
same time,
im cold.
so cold.
i cant breathe,
i cant think,
i cant feel,
anything but cold.
and every night,
same time,
i cry.
im sorry
you had to witness this.
im sorry
i took up your time.
im sorry.
and i love you.
i love your smile.
i love your eyes.
i love your lips.
i love your heart.
i
love
you.
and still,
i am
cold.
so cold.
i allow myself to stop crying,
quicker tonight,
thanks to you.
thank you.
and then i try to stand.
it takes all my concentration.
my mind,
mu heart,
my body is
cold.
so cold.
it takes all of my will
to stand again.
and you give me that fleeting smile,
that fleeting kiss,
that fleeting hug,
and the ice melts.
the ice
melts.
and then you leave.
and, again, i am
cold.
so cold.
i dont understand.
i
dont
understand.
i just wish that i
could be with you
at all times.
day or night.
because you set me on fire.
you
set
me
on
fire.
around you,
i dont stay
cold.
so cold.

i dont stay cold.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:27

0 struck matches.

wonder why

we never think about the times
we never think about the little things
that make us want to cry
we never even want to wonder why

i know you know that i'm not perfect
i know you know that i'm insane
i know you know that i'm to blame
i know you know that i'm lame

i wonder why we always say our lines
i wonder why we try to live our lives
i wonder why we never try to find
the scary thing that you see from the corner of your eye
so i shall wonder why

always wonder why

-aaron

bleeding inside since
19:50

0 struck matches.

im so sorry.

i love you.
but im sorry.
i cant do what you ask of me.
i love you.
but im sorry.
i just cant.
i love you.
but im sorry.
it just wont work for me.
i love you.
but im sorry.
it hurts me to say this.
i love you.
but im sorry.
i hate myself for saying this.
i love you.
but im sorry.
has it ever crossed your mind
that i might not want
to ever be happy again?
i love you.
but im sorry.
so so sorry.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
16:19

0 struck matches.

27.3.05
my contrasting thoughts on the same subject(yeah they're two different poems)

i thought i was ready
i thought i could tell you
leave me the fuck alone.
get the hell out of my life.
of all things,
get your voice out of my head.
im sick of being at your mercy,
but ive found myself there again.
i want so badly to shove this down your throat,
give back all youve given me.
i want you to feel what youve done to me,
i need you to understand.
its time to make that decision
but can you judge a persons worth?
thats what this is about
are you worth it?
you drag me down
when im at my best.
cant stand to see me happy?
cant stand to see me with him?
welcome to my life.
this isnt about you anymore
now things have changed
like i always said they would.
this is about me.


love twisted and molded
into something unrecognizable.
the downside of up
and the upside of down.
you have removed pieces of me
that ive just started to replace.
and now,
now is the time
you decide to open your eyes.
i should turn you away
i should throw this in your face
i should let out this incredible rage
it just seems so hard.
i hate admitting it,
but you control me.
i wont give him up for you,
but ive already given up my emotions.
you play with them as you see fit,
you have taken all of my sanity.
i want you out of my life,
but i cant get rid of you.
your face,
your picture,
the feeling of being in your arms,
all of it has faded.
but you are still there.
still in my mind,
changing all i was sure of.
just think of me for once...
just picture the look in my eyes...
just taste my tears...
just feel my heart beating...
and just tell me whats happened here,
tell me why.
tell me the truth.
speak from your heart,
and speak from you.
the you i know,
the you ill always love
even after the stains of time
have worn everything thin.
please stranger,
tell me whats real

-suffocatewithin

bleeding inside since
22:29

0 struck matches.

underneath.

underneath this smile,
my world is slowly caving in.
underneath these eyes,
my soul is filing up with pain.
underneath this mask,
my body screams to be free.
underneath it all,
my heart bleeds for you.
my heart beats for you.
and you alone.
though it isnt worth much,
i love you
with all i have left.
with all i had left.
underneath this smile,
my world is slowly caving in.
underneath these eyes,
my soul is filling up with pain.
underneath this mask,
my body screams to be free.
underneath it all,
my heart bleeds to be free.
my heart beats to be free.
and you set me free.
you set me free.
you gave me wings of my own,
and taught me how to fly.
so spread your wings and fly,
angel.
spread your wings,
and
f l y .

-jo.

bleeding inside since
10:32

0 struck matches.

26.3.05
all that mattered.

i built my life
on a frame.
a cold,
hard.
frame.
why?
so that it
wouldnt bend.
no,
it didnt bend.
it just
broke.
shattered.
fractured.
into a thousand
tiny
pieces.
one for every lie
you told me.
my frame?
heh,
what frame.
my life is lacking structure,
lacking meaning,
lacking sense.
but today,
she was happy.
she
was
happy.
and that made me happy.
for the first time
in the longest time,
i laughed
without acting.
without performing.
without restraint.
and i loved it.
she was happy.
and thats all
that mattered.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:35

0 struck matches.

25.3.05
temptation.

im trying not to.
i promised you.
i promised you.
i swear,
i dont mean to do this.
and everytime i do,
i get closer.
im sorry.
i promised you.
i promised you.
everytime i pick it up,
it screams my name.
it wants blood.
so i give it some.
and a little more.
and a little more.
but then i stop.
but its so hard.
and i cry.
i promised you.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
19:06

0 struck matches.

cross my heart and hope to-

i wont do it.
i promised you.
i promised you.
i try to keep my promises,
thanks.
but somehow,
around you,
i hand them out freely.
i promised you.
i promised you.
and in my head,
while im promising i wont,
over and over,
i hear it.
a little whispering voice.
a little whispering voice.
'cross my heart
and hope to-'
but no.
i promised you.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
12:41

0 struck matches.

24.3.05
stained.

sitting here,
digging deeper,
ever deeper,
with my
lips
stained
red.
why cant i
feel
anything anymore?
why cant i
stop
doing this to myself?
why is it that,
time
and time again,
the metal
digs deeper
into my flesh,
and time
and time again,
my lips are stained red,
yet i feel nothing?
i feel nothing.
but then i see my angel.
standing there.
watching over me.
wanting more from me.
im all ill ever be.
but all i can do
is try.
so i try.
and every once in awhile,
i feel.
i feel love.
i feel sorrow.
i feel loss.
but then,
my angel disappears.
they have lives,
you know.
and i shut down again.
if i could,
id keep drinking spirits
in the hope
that i might find one
that fits.
thats mine.
because currently,
im fresh out.
why cant i
feel?
hell,
pain
would be better than this
nothingness.
numb.
cold.
alone.
digging deeper,
ever deeper,
with my
lips
stained
red.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
21:27

0 struck matches.

22.3.05
on hiatus.

sorry guys. i was on break. and apparently so were you. lol. seeya around.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
20:19

0 struck matches.

13.3.05

rain falls
sweetly gracing all of me
with its presence.
it consumes me
running down my throat
flowing over my tightly closed eyes.
each drop runs its own path
a reminder of tears past cried.
a withering heart
gives in to a beaten soul.
life changes
with every breath.
removed from myself.
in front of a mirror,
i have to look away.
i cant imagine what you must see.
how do you look at me with love in your eyes?
and sweet words you say directed at me?
i never meant things to be this way.
i wish i could see
everything you seem to see in me.
the rain stops
and im back where i started.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
21:04

0 struck matches.

12.3.05
mask.

sleeping
for once.
have been
for about an hour.
damn.
time to get up.
i reach out blindly
for my bedside table.
there it is.
my mask.
i slip it on,
hide myself
from the world,
from everything.
my mask is white.
it hides the blackness
deep inside me.
my mask smiles.
it hides the screaming
in my tortured body.
so many people
fall for it.
everyone,
in fact,
except you.
you saw what was behind the mask,
read what was behind the mask,
and loved what was behind the mask,
regardless
of what it did,
what it said.
you even got me
to take it off.
but when you leave,
it goes right back on again,
this time,
masking the pain
your leaving causes me.
and tonight especially,
it hurts.
i feel something,
deep in my bones,
and it worries me.
it worries me.
the masked one
sends her regards.
she hopes you are well
and that you will call.
she wishes you a good evening
and fades into the distance.
just her
and the mask.
alone.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
23:14

0 struck matches.

9.3.05
vision.

i can feel it.
burning through my veins.
rage.
liquid fire,
it surges through me.
goddamn you.
all you ever do
is judge me.
you never listen,
never hear what i need you to.
hear me cry.
hear me scream in pain.
goddammit,
you
will
listen.
you will listen
to the years you missed,
glazed over,
inattentive.
your sight
is amazing.
for one so visionary,
you
are
blind.
you never saw
what i needed you to.
you never heard
what i wanted you to.
well, yeah,
you know what?
fuck you.
all i ever wanted
was a hug.
a word
of encouragement.
and i realised.
you
dont
understand.
you never understood.
you never will understand.
and i realised.
im
on
my
own.
all alone.
and now,
you will pay.
now you will feel
all the emotion
i ever felt
when you werent there.
now you will hear
all the words
i ever screamed
when i was alone.
now you will see
all the blood
i ever shed
when i needed you.
and you still wont care.
still wont listen.
you can look all you want,
and you
still
wont
see.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
23:27

0 struck matches.

the worst pain
is them finding you.
the one thing in life
i can control.
the pain so beautiful
the scars haunting.
an addiction.
a love.
the only love.
make me feel whole.
hide behind them.
know me
and my secrets.
belongs to me
and no one else.
dont take this from me
because its all i have.
its the words never spoken
that cut this slit in my wrist deeper

NOW IM NOTHING

bleeding inside since
20:44

0 struck matches.

7.3.05
soon.

i needed someone.
not someone
who could find the solution,
not someone
with the answers,
not someone
to fix it.
just someone
who would listen.
and now,
ive found someone.
that someone
is you.
you light me up again.
the sound of your voice
is enough to send me reeling.
feeling your mouth
on mine?
indescribable.
but its not even that
that makes me love you.
i love the way
your presence
banishes my fear.
my worries.
my hate.
my pain.
i love the way
your voice
erases my mind.
all i hear is you.
all i think is you.
all i see is you.
i love the way
your arms around me
envelope and banish the world.
my angel.
my shield.
my rock.
but most of all,
i love the way
i can feel you.
your thoughts.
your emotions.
your very being.
but then,
after a few moments of bliss,
you have to go.
go.
amazing how that one word,
that one phrase,
can entirely crush ones existence.
but i live with hope.
my hopes are crushed,
burned,
nothing.
but i have a seed
growing in the ashes.
the only seed of hope i have
is that i will see you again.
soon.
soon.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
21:27

0 struck matches.

i almost fell in love again
almost got swept away
almost got lost in his eyes
almost forgot what it feels like to be alone
almost forgot who i really am.
almost liked myself
almost found out the truth.
almost forgot all ive been through
almost forgot all those feelings trapped inside
almost let go of my past
almost believed things like this happen to people like me
almost believed that look in his eyes
almost believed those words he said
almost got used to the feeling of being in his arms
almost embraced his love
and maybe...
maybe i still can.
but only if
good things happen to bad people
and only if
all those almosts disappeared
and became my reality.

suffocate within

bleeding inside since
20:11

0 struck matches.

6.3.05
loving this hurt.

it hurts so beautifully when you whisper in my ear
it hurts so sweet when you kiss my neck
everything about you...
hurts me.
the pain aches in time with my heart.
you expose my scars
then light them on fire.
you open me up
and when i sit
lifeless in your arms
im aching,
pulsating
with anguish
the only time it ever shows.
mm the hurt
it lets me know im alive again.
the hurt is the best ive felt.
and even as i sit here
im smiling.
thinking of our little excursion
with all our friends in tow.
swinging our arms
hand in hand.
stopping to tie my shoes
and finally sitting in the basement
in complete darkness.
everyone around is bursting with things to say
constant commotion and laughter...
but my mind rests on you.
i lean back and feel you behind me
you kissing the top of my head
as i place it on your shoulder.
im not sure i hear a lot of what they're saying
all i can think about is how i never want to let this go
this hurt you cause me...
i dont want to let it go.
you are like a magnet for my pain
you draw it out of me
like a needle drawing blood.
its no longer inside of me,
but brushing so slightly against my arms,
my legs, my face.
the second you let me go
it finds a way back into me.
everytime im near you
all i can remember doing
is silently begging, praying
that time will stop.
that i could feel this way forever
and somehow keep it with me.
oh how i love this hurt,
this hurt you throw at me,
this hurt you inject into me,
i dont ever want to let it go.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
22:25

0 struck matches.

2.3.05
re|gret.

to feel
sorry
and sad
about something
previously done
or said
that now appears
wrong,
mistaken,
or hurtful
to others.
to remember
with a feeling
of loss
or sorrow;
mourn.
a sense of loss
and longing
for someone
or something
gone.
sadness
associated with
some
wrong
done
or
some disappointment.
this noun denotes
mental distress.
regret
has the broadest range,
from mere disappointment
to a painful sense
of dissatisfaction
or self-reproach,
as over something
lost or
done.
damn.
dont you wish
it was that simple?

-jo.

bleeding inside since
20:02

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.