30.4.05
run.

light up,
light up,
as if you had a choice.
even if you cannot hear
my voice,
i am right beside you, dear.
louder,
louder,
and we'll run for our lives,
i can hardly speak.
i understand why
you cant raise
your voice to say.
you are never alone.
never.
i am here for you,
whenever you need me.
so light up,
angel.
and ill find you.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
15:40

0 struck matches.

27.4.05
i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight.

she thinks to herself
i cannot sleep
i cannot dream tonight.
this is the angel
from my nightmare.
i cannot sleep
i cannot dream tonight.
so she sits
and she cries.
she cannot sleep
she cannot dream tonight.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
21:25

0 struck matches.

everyone knows
im in over my head.
do i make it obvious?
can you tell that the
sparkle in my eyes
is for you?
can you tell that the
little patch of warmth in my heart
is because of you?
can you tell that you are the reason
for my honest smiles?
i told you to catch me.
is that what you have done here?
its like you said,
its not what i like about you
but its how i feel when im with you.
everything comes naturally between us
laughter,
reaching for your hand,
leaning in for a quick kiss goodbye.
they require no second thoughts.
everything about it
feels so right.
you dont have to leave.
dont end this
any sooner than we have to.
dont break my heart
and leave me longing for a real goodbye.
this is beginning to feel a lot like...
love.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
20:16

0 struck matches.

24.4.05
it wont snow where youre going.

preventing chaos
leads us to hell dos
the storm of time
defeats the lesser of two evils
victims of heaven are dead
it wont snow where youre going
miles from london
they find a book of lies
looking too closely at it
they start disproving destiny
and then the fires began
it wont snow where youre going
the book of revelations
is ten thousand pages long
aslo called the heartbreak gospel
words fail
as does recreational sobriety
it wont snow where youre going
echoes of yesterday leave me nothing
but the penultimate drink
with no time left
i am saving delusion
it is that which we cannot admit
it wont snow where youre going.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
20:38

0 struck matches.

rain.

hey.
its raining.
and i miss you.
my mind
is as cold and empty
as my heart.
and my heart
is as cold and empty
as the rain.
spring?
without you,
the very essence
of spring itself
is lost.
without you,
the very essence
of myself
is lost.
i love you.
i miss you.
and i wish you
were here.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
19:20

0 struck matches.

19.4.05

now i lay me down
tried so hard
i forgot what im trying for.
my heart laid bare,
in the comfort of your arms,
i can shut it all out.
let it grow cold.
let it fall away
give me a reason,
help me.
help me wash it all away
ive grown to hate this life,
everything i cant make right.
all the promises that ive failed,
every night and everywhere i am.
all the dreams i cant let go,
every time i thought i should have known.
everything i cant make right,
everything that made me hate this life.

-Magna-fi, This Life

bleeding inside since
21:04

0 struck matches.

here i go again
falling into something
i cant control.
here i go again
falling into something
that will undoubtedly
bring me pain.
i know i shouldnt have let it
get this far
so fast.
it started out with a kiss
how did it end up like this?
i long for your approval
and beg for your attention.
i want you to love me,
want you to need me.
i need you to accept my flaws
and love me more for them.
i know how you hate imperfections,
but learn to love mine.
i want you to look in my eyes
with longing and adoration.
i need you to love me
for all the reasons i dont love myself.
i need you to tell me its okay,
whisper in my ear
tell me everything youve never said
tell me you wont leave
tell me why youll stay.
tell me this is different from
what youve felt before.
tell me you think im beautiful
in a way that i cant help but believe it.
im not asking you to save me,
just to show me
that i dont deserve what he did to me
that i dont have to feel that pain
that im not worthless.
show me
that im capable of being loved
without betrayal.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
20:39

0 struck matches.

17.4.05

a mask hides all,
shading the vulnerable.
fallen from a cloud
surrounded by sheets of silver
stray angels.
shadows dim
along dark winding pathways.
massacre of hands.
untouchable emptiness
within the soul
where loneliness burrows
found only by the blind.
truth buried deep
hidden underneath
a fading stack of pictures
forgotten memories
collecting dust in the corner.
even the smallest scars rip open.
shattered glass rains
from the sky
slicing an encompassing silence.
drowning in a deep ocean
of stars
between life and death
is where nightmares
begin and end.
isolation devours heat from the body
left cold and lifeless.
ashes of
betrayal,torment,revival and fear
rise again to a flame.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
20:56

0 struck matches.

...dont leave me alone...

bleeding inside since
15:41

0 struck matches.

take it. please.

i just wanted someone
with possibly enough heart
to help me find mine.
i found a little more.
i want to be able to forget her
and ignore the constant reminder
that she walked away from me.
time hasnt mended
my broken heart.
but other things
have been trying.
im used to being broken.
what can i say?
which wrist first?
will you take from me
what i want to give to you?
will you take from me
my life?

-jo.

bleeding inside since
15:05

0 struck matches.

nightmares.

these days
i have more nightmares
than dreams.
they thunder past me,
leaving me
to think that i am safe.
and then they come back,
sweep me up,
and toss me on their backs,
moving too fast
through the all too familiar
wasteland
that is their home
and the home
of so many other things...
they gallop apace,
too quickly for me to get off,
and i am swept along
the course of this nightmare.
it giggles maliciously
in my ear,
all the while
running faster.
ever faster.
and then we finally reach
the end.
the sound of my screams,
my tortured screams,
halts the nightmare.
it finally got
what it wanted.
it bucks me off,
unceremoniously,
and goes off
back to nightmareland,
waiting to catch me off guard
once again.
these days,
i have more nightmares
than dreams.

...i dont even like horses...

-jo.

bleeding inside since
08:12

0 struck matches.

16.4.05
park.

tonight
im spent
pretend this razor
is your lips
finding ways
to kiss me
ways to kiss me
deeply
on the wrists.
which wrist first?

-jo.

bleeding inside since
15:18

0 struck matches.

15.4.05
h.e.l.p

the pain
removed from my shattered insides
for a few brief moments.
it seeps through again,
stronger than i last remember.
there is nothing to cry about
nothing to be upset over
but this empty, aching space
inside me.
thats the only way to explain it.
there is a huge piece missing from me.
you cannot fill it right now.
i wish you were here by my side
just as you were an hour ago.
but you cant be,
and i know you arent thinking about me.
you cant take the pain away today
and im not sure if you even want to.
please help
there is nothing left for me to use
to fill the space
for just one moment.
please help
give me something to numb the pain,
some kind of distraction.
i know i make no sense,
but im feeling
desperate
alone
scared.
i hate myself
i hate whats inside
i hate everything you cant see
and everything that you can.
ill fall asleep now
its the only way i know how to forget
forget about the gaping hole inside of me
forget about how i struggle for each breath
forget about me
and the person i wish i wasnt.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
22:33

0 struck matches.

hammers. and sadness.

when the only tool you own
is a hammer,
everything
begins to resemble
a nail.
you dont realise it,
but youre not helping.
i dont realise it,
but neither am i.
i didnt say it was your fault.
i did say,
however,
that i would blame you.
im sorry she left you
on a street corner,
crying in the rain.
i truly am.
but i dont know what to do.
i dont know what to do.
i loved you, too.
one of my
hi-i-wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve-and-i-love-you
type romances.
but we were matched for wit.
and then it happened.
i dont know exactly what.
but you derailed.
you started acting
like your little sister.
she is more mature than you are.
but i stuck with you.
but im a bitch.
i got angry at you,
you took it personally.
im sorry.
i didnt mean it.
i wasnt thinking.
i was afraid we were done.
youd never speak to me again.
but you eventually
[kind of]
got over it.
and it comforts me to see
that you call me first.
because it means you might still love me.
and as sad as i am for you,
i dont know what to do.
im hopeless.
im sorry.
i dont know what to do.
when the only tool you own
is a hammer,
everything begins to resemble
a nail.
we dont realise it,
but all we own
is a hammer.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
19:01

0 struck matches.

12.4.05

intertwined,
caught between
loyalty and temptation.
pain drags me out the door,
and into a separate world.
ghosts reach up,
screaming, taunting.
they grasp for one of
my cold, shaking hands.
i walk with them
down into
the darkened trees
and out to the edge
of a blanket of diamonds.
the ghosts call me
into the bitter ice
of the water.
pulling me deeper
and deeper,
farther away
from my sanity.
my eyes close
ive seen to much
to want to open them ever again.
images of a life gone past
smears of red, black, grey, and white
all come before me
converging into one
horrific image
filling a nightmare
with its most beautifully terrifying
pictures.
throw me into
a pool of gasoline
and light the match.
drowning in an ocean of flames.
a home,
somewhere i belong.
this fire is what i have become.
i love it with all thats left.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
20:52

0 struck matches.

11.4.05
there is no escape.

life
is pointless.
society
is doomed.
and we can never
ever
escape.
no matter what
drastic,
careless
measures we go to,
no matter what
horrible,
painful
things we try,
we can never
escape.
because the dead
do not forgive.
because the dead
do not forget.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
20:32

0 struck matches.

today

today is one of those days
when i ache for you...
i long for my past life
and what we could have had.
i beg to hear your voice
and listen to you say those words.
today is one of those days
when my anger turns to sorrow,
my hate turns to love.
on days like these
the confusion surfaces again.
why would you do this?
you even said so yourself,
you dont know why you left.
but you did,
and we both
suffered the consequences.
since him,
ive missed you less
thought of you less
i havent filled my head with your voice
in so long.
but today,
it all returns.
filling my heart and soul
with a pulsating feeling
of loss.
these days dont come often,
but when they do
i become paralyzed with thoughts of you.
so just for today,
ill allow myself
to miss you
to cry for you
to scream your name
and wish you didnt have to
leave me alone
on days like today.


-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
17:19

0 struck matches.

10.4.05
.

--------------------------------------------------
----------iloveyou--------andalway----------
------swillforeveran---devernomatte-------
----rwhatyoudosodo-ntforgetitbecaus----
----ifyoudoiwillneverforgiveyouneve----
------rforgetyoueversodontforgetme------
-------dontforgetmylovebecauseiw-------
---------illalwayssupportyounoma---------

----------tterwhatyouchoosetodo----------
-------------iwillalwaysbehereto-------------

--------------hearyououttohea--------------

-----------------ryourvoiceto-----------------
-------------------hearyour-------------------
---------------------dream---------------------

------------------------s.-----------------------
--------------------------------------------------

-jo.

bleeding inside since
13:44

0 struck matches.

im sorry.

---i
----d
-----o
------n
-----t
---------k
--------n
---------o
-------w
--w
----h
--a
-----t
----------t
---------o
----s
------a
----y
-----.

bleeding inside since
09:46

0 struck matches.

9.4.05
my mistakes

are too old
to only make once.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
21:17

0 struck matches.

only in the morning.

-hey.
are you scared?-
--are you suicidal?--
-hm.
only in the morning.-
i wish.
i wish.
i wish it was only in the morning.
i wish i could just forget.
i wish you would just tell me.
-does she make you laugh?-
--she doesnt make me cry.--
she didnt.
not till now.
how long till you tell me all of it?
how many more things have you hidden?
i will never stop loving you.
but you keep hurting me.
and hurting me.
and hurting me.
-love is color blind
and tone deaf.-
but its not on anesthetics.
i just
want
to know.
because i care.
i love you.

-only in the morning.-
god how i wish
it was only in the morning.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
20:53

0 struck matches.

fire.

stabbing
frightened
in the dark.
drinking
drinking
liquid fire.
it burns.
burns.
burns.
but somehow,
theres fire,
but no smoke.
fire,
but no light.
fire,
but no warmth.
and i cry
and take another drink.
and the fire burns again.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
20:49

0 struck matches.

7.4.05
choice.

screams are silent,
deadly,
painful.
cries are quiet,
fatal,
burning.
they are soundless,
lethal,
painless,
these bringers
of clarity,
blood,
and silence.
which would you choose?

-jo

bleeding inside since
20:55

0 struck matches.

4.4.05
The Mirror

twisting, spiraling lines
create a silhouette
of a girl.
now the ink runs down the glass,
smearing the image.
the person she was made out to be
now fades.
once the ink is washed away
a distorted picture appears.
unrecognizable,
clouded by hate
overshadowed by lies.
the internal fire flickers then dies,
burning a deep, scarring hole
into the victim
creating an unbearable sensation
that surfaces slowly,
allowing its wrath to reach every inch
of the crumpling body.
scratching, clawing,
desperate to let the
excruciating pain escape.
a mouth opens to release a scream...
no sound.
instead, a snaking collage of words and pictures
tangle out.
a thick halo of fear descends upon the struggling figure.
she understands.
all at once everything stops.
laying with a heart exhausted
staring at her own
unfamiliar eyes,
darkened by the stains of time
she hasnt come to know.
a tear falls,
a question stands.
who is that
that person with the eyes so dull
and the voice so tainted?
whats happened here?
how did it come to this?
a frail hand moves,
shaking,
to the glass,
the crippled image.
the glass shatters violently.
a scream can finally be heard.
all she is, all she'll be.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
19:29

0 struck matches.

3.4.05

i am cold.
i am alone.
and i am tired.
tired of this feeling.
tired of this emptiness.
tired of life.
my emotions
are running circles
around my mind.
why should anyone
have to be
forgiven
for who they are?
some flowers
bloom only
in the imagination.
some
never bloom at all.
and where,
precisely,
does freaking out
get us?
because i
dont understand.
is anyone else
awake?
or will i scream your name
at the sky
until i lose my voice,
praying to a god i do not know
that you will hear me?
i am
faithless.
hopeless.
helpless.
and worthless.
so run faster, dammit.
and maybe i will make it.
maybe i will make it
to eternity.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:16

0 struck matches.

a mickey mouse poster

laughs came easy
before all the tears.
they still come easy
now after the tears.
growing up together
will do that to you.
two people
so competely the same
and so irreconcilably different.
who knew
that a poster of mickey mouse
could mean so much to two people.
could say so much
without either of us saying a word.
representing what was
and what is.
i wish i could do what everyone says to do.
pretend i dont care anymore,
pretend i dont miss you.
but when you're talking to me
i forget all that i SHOULD do,
and i cant help but speak from my heart.
all these old feelings rush back,
all these old memories...
shooting stars, rain, pictures, music, basements,
words, i love you, i love you, i love you.
take them back wont you?
wont you hold onto them for me?
i want them,
but i want to tuck them away,
far, far away
so i can reach them when i want them,
and not a moment sooner.
i dont know what to do anymore.
following my heart will only seem to get me in trouble.
do i bite down and bear the pain of losing you forever
or bear the pain of having you back in my life?
maybe, like all the other times,
its not my choice.
so ill just keep that memory
of that one mickey poster
and with time,
ill learn the answers.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
22:15

0 struck matches.

1.4.05
iamnomorethana...

i laugh,
proud of my wit,
my 'intelligence'.
but then i think to myself.
have i really accomplished anything?
anything at all?
let alone worth mention...
i hear that familiar silence.
and i sigh that familiar sound.
and once again,
im knocked down in the dirt
and forced to realise:
i am human.
i am weak.
and i will fail.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:16

0 struck matches.

iammorethana...

i was thinking.
about mortality.
death.
and all the things
we do
to get there.
drinking.
smoking.
drugs.
suicide.
homicide.
genocide.
cutting.
crying.
burning.
and then i thought,
but i am human.
i am strong.
i will succeed.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:15

0 struck matches.

wait. watch.

wait.
watch.
is she coming?
wait,
sh,
here she is!
k, poised...
*lick*...
*stick*
'mm...ah!'
haha.
i gave you
a wet willy.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:12

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.