31.5.05

my love for you
causes me so much pain.
there are times
when my entire body aches for you
longing to hear your voice.
there are times
where just one look at you
can make me smile for hours.
some days you hurt me,
and i cant numb the pain.
some days you love me,
and i feel like everything in my life is right.
so what happens when you leave?
im willing to endure weeks of missing you
for just a few moments of love.
are you?
how much do i mean to you?
my love for you...
it kills me.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
18:25

0 struck matches.

when you touch me
do you shrink away in fear of what you have felt?
in my eyes can you see past
the dead, icy stares?
can you feel my hatred
in the words i write?
when i speak,
does my voice shatter your insides?
do you think of me as more than this?
more than this tortured soul?
or do you think of me as less?
do you see me for what i really am?
vulnerable and ripped open
with all my pieces free for you to collect.
i want you to feel my death.
breathe it in
and dont let it go.
for its all you have of me.
allow my frozen breath to fill your lungs.
look skin deep
and no matter how bad it hurts
focus on the image.
the ashes of beauty that once lived within.
a scarring picture
that takes your breath.
let it haunt you.
make sure you know
what i really am.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
18:19

0 struck matches.

25.5.05
okay

we were waking up to music in the bad times
screeching out the window with broken rythm
and bad rhymes
in the back of the room with the sunshine lost
we cried ourselves to sleep almost every night
at what cost?
you said youd show me the light in the dark
but every night i just get lost in the spots
in your spark
i said that id say that you said everything is okay
but you said id say that you'd say that its not so
its not so

-Aaron

bleeding inside since
07:20

0 struck matches.

24.5.05

how i wish i could just love you
without all those other feelings.
the pain you cause me
grasps me by the wrists and pulls me down.
and im not sure if this is right...
im not sure if im making a mistake
by laying here with you.
oh god please dont look at me with those eyes
they drag me in and im stuck,
unable to look away.
i dont want to tell you over and over again
when you are moving too fast.
but then i forgive you with just one of your
deep stares.
and it all seems right again,
and i remember why im here.
because i love you.
because you are my angel
sent to my deepest nightmare.
so shine, angel shine
and fly to me angel
on those days you have already missed
the ones where you didnt know it,
but i needed you more than anyone.
and whisper softly to me angel
tell me that miles could never separate us
and that your love is true.
promise me angel that you will never hurt me
and that im safe with you.
hold me quietly angel,
like you have many times before
and let me remember you
just as this...
what you are...
in this single moment.
-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
20:49

0 struck matches.

22.5.05
i believe.

i believe in you
for a reason.
because you can do anything
if you want to.
but it is
not
instantaneous.
you have to work at it,
slowly,
bit by bit.
piece by piece,
regain your strength.
it is
not
instantaneous.
so dont
you
dare
claim
that i have misplaced
my faith.
for if my faith is misplaced,
what have i
to live for?

-jo.

bleeding inside since
15:10

0 struck matches.

19.5.05
explode v. 2.0.

try
to forget,
to let yourself...
you know.
go.
just this once...
EXPLODE.
in wont hurt...
i promise.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
21:43

0 struck matches.

15.5.05
5.13.04

one. year
one. girl scarred and bleeding
one. boy confused and hurting
two. lives forever intertwined
two. souls twisted and ugly
two. broken hearts
two & a half. years down the drain
twelve. months
three hundred sixty-five. days
one thousand. words unspoken & unheard
one million. tears
it's amazing what can happen in one. year
what happened to us?

bleeding inside since
19:21

0 struck matches.

14.5.05

one demon of my past.
and my fears of the future
converge into one but separate being.
i smile because of him
i cry because of him
i shrink away because of him
i hate myself for him
i am afraid because of him
i ache because of him
i bleed for them
i shake for them

-suffocatewithin

bleeding inside since
10:42

0 struck matches.

13.5.05
s i c k .

you have become
what you have always been.
see what it was,
feel what it will be.
i told you.
i told you
the thing i was most
afraid
to tell you.
the only reason
i hide my face
is so you cant see
my tears.
you have become
what you have always been.
see what it was,
feel what it will be.
you looked at me.
d i s g u s t e d .
s i c k e n e d .
r e p u l s e d .
and i cried.
right in the arms
of the one i love,
in the arms of the one
you are s i c k e n e d by.
you have become
what you have always been.
see what it was,
feel what it will be.
and now you give me shit.
make sure m y r u l e s are obeyed.
yeah, bitch.
sure i will.
s u r e i w i l l .
and so i proceeded
to do exactly
what you have forbidden.
love.
you have become
what you have always been.
see what it was,
feel what it will be.
with my life flickering
around my peripheral vision,
i grow tired.
i cant deal with you.
with him.
with them.
so get away from me.
dont-
...dont touch me...
you have become
what you have always been.
see what it was,
feel what it will be.
i realise you hate me for this.
for turning you upside down.
for following in his footsteps.
for making a m o c k e r y
of everything you hold dear.
'it makes me s i c k to see the hate.'
no, it makes you s i c k
to see
the love.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
22:10

0 struck matches.

7.5.05

rain to coat my throat
thats dry and cracked.
lost words slip out,
escaping from their tortured keeper
where they have slept silent days
dreaming silent dreams.
torn and crumpled
like the photograph in your head.
i will only whisper now.
screaming has worn the threads of my voice
to nothing.
but it all falls upon deaf ears
the screams, the whispers
all mean noting to you.
shadows dance across my walls
calling for me to join them
in a world of immortality.
they are haunting
and temptation tears at my skin.
its falling across my wrists
where temptation always aches the most.
locked in my head
only myself to blame.
it hurts so much to stay alive now
i wonder how it hurts to die.
these nights are so lonely
and i grow sick with apprehension.
these words in my head plague my every move
with each that i cannot speak.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
14:57

0 struck matches.

2.5.05
be drunk.

You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it--it's the
only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks
your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually
drunk. But on what? Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be
drunk. And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of
a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again,
drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave,
the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything
that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is
singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and
wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you: "It is time to be
drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be
continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."
-charles baudelaire.

bleeding inside since
19:36

0 struck matches.

1.5.05
five hundred. and eight.

i loved you.
honestly,
i did.
i probably still do.
but then again,
that happens to me alot.
i wear my heart on my sleeve.
what can i say?
but just those words
i heard you whisper
were enough to crush me.
you know,
i cant stand to see you cry.
well, you did a nice job
of causing these tears.
if you walked a mile
in my shoes,
saw what i see,
felt what i feel,
then maybe
you could see why
i do what i do.
but no.
youre up there
on your pedestal.
your ivory pedestal.
we shouldnt
put people on pedestals.
it can result in
quite a fall.
you know,
i cant stand to see you cry.
really?
i could stand
to see you die.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
21:15

0 struck matches.

home is a feeling ive buried in you

eyes closed
legs tangled
a consuming feeling
of happiness,
comfort,
home.
i could stay here forever
with your heart beating against mine,
breathing in my ear.
my clothes are on the floor...
is this a mistake?
i dont know,
i dont care.
this feels so right
being with you.
you think its love,
and maybe i hope it is.
maybe i want to be with you
for longer than i expected.
everything seems alright
when im with you.
you make my hurt
fall away and replace it with love.
laying next to you,
i am filled with this love.
i love being with you more than anything
because for those moments we are together
my heart appears full
and i feel whole.

-suffocate within

bleeding inside since
20:38

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.