30.7.05

--------i
----miss
-------you.

bleeding inside since
19:06

0 struck matches.

28.7.05
all it takes...

i want to stand on the edge of a rainstorm.
i want to experience tragedy.
i want to do something stupid and get cut because of it, like i deserve.
i want to stand in the bay of fundy on low tide and stay when the tide comes in.
i want to plan with a friend how to ask someone out, then when i try to, to forget and make it up.
i want to break something valuable, like my heart.
i want to free a bird.
i want to go flying with my friend.
i want to help someone cross the street when there are no cars around.
i want to do something heroic and not be noticed.
i want to carry someones books.
i want to memorize something useless.
i want to give away something i need.
i want to understand people.
i want to never break someones trust.
i want to be on the short-handed team.
i want to shake the hand of someone important.
i want to be tired when im doing something important.
i want to be nervous about standing in front of people at first.
i want to frame pictures of someone important to no one but me.
i want to open a letter to me from a relative i have never spoken to.
i want to make a wise descision.
i want to plant a tree.
i want to tie a string around my wrist.
i want to have a near death experience.
i want to watch a train set for an evening.
i want to make throwing bottle caps off of a roof and into a garbage can a common pastime.
i want to go without something because someone else is.
i want to live in anticipation.
i want to go without something because someone else needs it.
i want to write conversations that take place in my mind commonly.
i want to have a collection of things i will never need again.
i want to break something in a museum and pay for it.
i want to pick up a book and have a note fall out of it, for me.
i want to have a person that i can tell everything to.
i want to remember the answers when its too late.
i want to let someone slip away, only to realize how much i needed them and then pursue them.
i want to wake up in pieces.
i want to never have someone lose trust or faith in me.
i want to tip the boat.
i want to see the day when 'bless you' isnt a habit.
i want to witness a revolution.
i want to have a utopia in my mind that i cant reach.
i want to bring myself down to the level of whoever im speaking with.
i want to have a real ending.

but i dont have the courage to do the things i havent.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
11:33

8 struck matches.

27.7.05
FORGET.X.TO.X.REMEMBER

here we are again.
this never changes,
YOU never change.
i cant keep letting you get to me
always changing my mind.
i really thought this was it.
i had made up my mind.
for the last time,
this was over.
and here you are.
why cant i escape you?
why can i never
(forget to remember?)
maybe now i will just give in,
and let you take me.
ill play along with your games
and try to be your friend.
you'll continue to twist and turn me
the way you like.
i cant run away,
and i know that now.
i cant escape you.
you are in me.
and now i wont fight back.
i accept you into my life.
i accept your pain into my body
as if it were my own.
i accept the words to come
that will slice me apart.
i accept the laughs and smiles that will
come as well.
as two friends,
two people so far apart
but eternally connected as one
rebuild something
that could never be lost.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
22:44

0 struck matches.

restored

i dont hide anymore.
behind makeup
or false smiles.
i dont want to cover this up.
for once i want everyone
to see this.
i want them all to see
the glow i have.
i dont want them to miss
the genuine smiles
that now appear frequently.
i want them to see
the hate that has drained from my body,
creating a puddle beneath my feet.
i want them to see
that my hope and faith have been restored.
and in my eyes,
i want them all to see
the light that has replaced
the empty space.
i dont hide anymore.
for the first time,
i want them all to see.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
22:32

0 struck matches.

the debate. part two. good girl wins.

i love you.
i hate you.
im sorry.
you deserve it.
you do help.
but you hurt me too.
im happy for you.
im dying inside.
im fine. i swear.
i cant deal with this.
ill miss you.
you left me alone!
have fun.
i hope he dies.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
13:54

0 struck matches.

the debate. part one. bad girl wins.

i hate you.
i love you.
how could you do this to me?
i totally understand.
how can you move on that fast?
i probably should too.
how can you ditch me like that?
how couldnt you? youre in love.
why does this hurt so bad?
its not that bad.
why dont you love me anymore?
but i still have you anyway.
goddammit.
more on this later.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
13:45

0 struck matches.

26.7.05
there is no god.

there is no god.

i have finally discovered this.

if there was one,
maybe i wouldnt be doing this.
maybe my parents wouldnt have made her cry.
maybe she could protect me.
maybe i could have been loved.
maybe they wouldnt have hurt me.
maybe i wouldnt have hurt me.

maybe i should just die.

bleeding inside since
15:27

0 struck matches.

17.7.05
l'homme en fer dans le maillot jaune

hiya.
im leaving town for a week.
paris.
w00t.
if you have any discrepancies with the blog(ie age*coughBENcough*],
tough cookies.
im not going to be here.
however.
you can still email me your troubles,
and i might have internet access.
so they might be fixed.
it depends.
lol.
love.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
14:56

3 struck matches.

15.7.05
announcement numero whatever the hell were on. plus one.

hi. weve added yet another new member. dana. be nice. lol. love.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
00:46

0 struck matches.

14.7.05
green with specks of blue

love.
a word,
an emotion,
a feeling.
frequently misused,
yet never to be taken lightly.
beautiful and deadly.
doing whatever it takes
to make that one person
happy for just a moment.
constant longing and missing
whenever you're not around.
that feeling that has burrowed itself
so deep beneath my skin.
the realization
that this could be my life,
lazy days spent in your arms.
and maybe i want it to be that way.
never in my life have i met someone
quite like you.
never in my life has anyone
made me feel like you do.
like im home.
like for the first time, i'm ME
and i dont have to pretend.
i have never felt so comfortable
in my own skin
with anyone before you.
my words have never held so much meaning.
i have my doubts
but somehow i know this is real.
somehow i know i mean it.
love.
a word,
an emotion,
a feeling
that does not even begin
to describe my feelings for you.

-suffocatewithin.

bleeding inside since
22:14

0 struck matches.

13.7.05
im tired.

im done.
im tired.
and im done.
i dont want to do this anymore.
it hurts too much.
im a coward.
what can i say?
im afraid of pain.
i miss you.
i miss you so much.
and theres nothing i can do about it.
im making this harder for myself
and i dont care.
im just tired.
tired of living.
tired of crying.
tired of being alone.

is there anybody out there
who can complete me?
anyone who can pick up
the shattered pieces of my life
and help me glue them back together?
anyone who could love me
forever?
for who i am?
for what i might be?

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
17:51

0 struck matches.

11.7.05

io rido, e rider mio non passa dentro;
io ardo, e l'arsion mia non par di fore.

i laugh, and my laughter is not within me;
i burn, and the burning is not seen outside.

niccolo machiavelli.

bleeding inside since
00:36

0 struck matches.

10.7.05
Are

so here we are, we're crying...
you said, you'd never say no...
but here i am, and im crying...
i said, im sorry...

but there you are, you're crying...
you said, you never got hurt...
but there you are, and we're crying...
you said, youre sorry...

we wake
to flowers
and pain
we sleep
to cries
and rain
we hate
by fears
and fire
we love
by tears
and pyres

but here i am, im crying...
you said, you got so tired...
but there we are, and we're crying...
we said, we're sorry...

-aaron

bleeding inside since
23:58

0 struck matches.

you bleed.

i thought that i was weak,
that you were invincible.
you hurt me,
but carried me through it.
you carried me,
steadied me
through anything.
and then i realised.
you bleed too.
y o u b l e e d t o o .
and im sorry.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
01:28

0 struck matches.

9.7.05

you said i could tell you anything.
so can i say that i love you
with everything i have?
can i let you know
that i wish i could give you the world
though still it would never be what you deserve.
is okay if i tell you how sorry i am
that i can never be perfect,
can never be good enough for you.
can i say that i need you,
and i would give so much
just to keep you here.
would it be alright
if i whispered to you
all my fears of being hurt
and never feeling like this again.
could i tell you that maybe...
maybe this is what i have been dreaming of.
i know you said i could tell you anything.
but there are no words capable of saying these things.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
21:08

0 struck matches.

the end. goodbye my love.

you have finally
pushed me past breaking.
there isnt an inch
left in this body
that cares anymore.
it sickens me to think
that you have driven me
to this point.
and it saddens me
to know that you
are capable of being
so thoroughly disappointing.
i was willing to risk
so much hurt
just to see the old you again.
was it so much to ask for?
you have brought so much agony to me
and you had an oportunity
to finally fix this.
and you didnt.
finally, after a year
i dont care...
I DONT CARE.
and i know that i wont care
ever again.
it disgusts me
to know that i have gone so long
living in the dark.
living in denial
of all the pain you truly bring me
every time we speak.
it disgusts me to know
that i have not realized that
until recently.
its too late now.
youve done your damage
and now im leaving.
the only way there is to leave.
i dont love you anymore,
goodbye.

-suffocate.

bleeding inside since
20:12

0 struck matches.

8.7.05
hah!

i love you.

(blankie)

always,
danielle

bleeding inside since
22:44

3 struck matches.

7.7.05
they.

iwalkintherain25: ...im tired.
makemedoeboi: as in bedtime?
iwalkintherain25: no, sophie, as in suicide.

they say theres a light
at the end of this tunnel.
they say that youll never forget.
they say these mistakes
that youve made before
will stop causing your regret.
they say that the past
will not haunt you
if only you get off the ground.
they say youll make
these mistakes again
if you only try turning around.

i want to forget.
im as far in this tunnel
as i am out of it.
i will always feel the regret.
im on the ground.
i cannot get up.
i cannot move on.
and im always turned around.

who, exactly, is
they?
and why do they know me so well?

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
22:53

0 struck matches.

5.7.05
im sorry. im leaking pain.

they tell me that
its ok,
late at night,
to leak my pain.
no ones looking.
gush
pour
rip
tear
break.
but then i roll over,
and youre there.
youve been there
the entire time,
listening to me
gush
pour
rip
tear
break.
and now ive got you crying.
im sorry you heard.
you feel responsible.
and then you
gush
pour
rip
tear
break
right back.
im sorry.
but i love you.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
00:25

0 struck matches.

3.7.05
re|mem|ber.

to remember:
to recall to the mind
with effort
or to think of again.
to recall or become aware of
suddenly
or spontaneously.
to retain in the memory.
to keep
[someone]
in mind
as worthy
of consideration
or recognition.
to remind.
to recapture the past;
indulge in
memories.
to call to
remembrance;
to keep alive
the memory
of someone.
antonym:
to forget.
to leave behind
unintentionally.
to dismiss
from the mind;
to stop
remembering.
to bury.

i will
never
forget
you.
just promise
you will always
remember
me.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
13:31

0 struck matches.

1.7.05
angel pt. 1

all that you are is
beautiful.
talented.
intelligent.
broken.
hurting.
lost.
stop using your past as an excuse.
i love you more than life itself.
i would give anything for you.
but grow up.
stop hurting me,
its getting to be too much.
i feel as if i have already given
eveything for you.
and im not the only one.
we are all...
tired.
i will never give up on you,
do you hear me?
but i can already tell you have
given up on me.
im sick of being the older one here,
im sick of knowing the answers to your questions.
unconditional love
is what i carry inside for you.
you keep tearing me down
with your lies and scandals.
your immaturity and selfishness.
i dont know who you are...
i never have.
your life has been hard
but dont use that against the world.
stop making the same mistakes
because i cant save you.
no one can.
its been so many years
and you still havent figured that out.
whenever you are so close to the light
you fall again.
further down than you started out.
figure it out.
save yourself.

-suffocate.within

bleeding inside since
23:31

0 struck matches.

im sorry.

i never got
to kiss you
in the rain.
and for that,
i apologise.
i never got
to love you
as much as i wanted to.
and for that,
i apologise as well.
for that,
and for so many other things.
please forgive me.
because i love you.
always and forever yours,

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
22:42

0 struck matches.

...

(\ /)
( . .)
c('')('')

im like a
sad
lost
bunny rabbit,
sitting,
no,
walking
in the rain.

-jo.

bleeding inside since
13:09

0 struck matches.

love.

im sorry
for making this awkward.
im sorry
for a lot of things.
im sorry
for still loving you
most of all.
i thank you
for telling me.
thank you
for sticking around.
thank you
for still loving me
anyway.
just know
that i will always love you.
'-how long?
--forever.
-how long is forever?
--for eternity.
-how long is eternity?
--for as long as i can draw breath,
--and beyond.'
always and forever yours,

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
09:15

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.