28.10.05
break me.

she asked me to break her arm so i could sign the cast.
did i ask you to break my heart
so you could carve your initials into it?
i dont think so.
but i let you do it anyway.
[beat me]
[hurt me]
[kill me]
[break me]

there you are
[standing there]
there you are
[standing there]
i see you
[standing]
i see you
[crying]
i
[love you]
see
[dont cry]
you
[are bleeding...]
there...
[everywhere]
[nowhere]
[nothinginbetween?]
you hurt
[so deep]
youre cut
[and bleeding]
i can hear it
in your voice.
[you want it to stop]
you want it
to stop.
you want it
[so bad]
you want it
[so bad]
you
[hate me]
want
[something]
it
[will never]
to
stop.
stop.
-----STOP.
im sorry
[im so sorry]
and it hurts
[more than you
could possibly imagine]
to see you this way.
i am sorry
[helpless]
sorry
[hopeless]
sorry
[worthless]
-----STOP.
im running in circles
[talking in codes]
walking a labyrinth
[waiting alone]
carve it deeper
[ever deeper]
bite it harder
[always harder]
i can feel you
[i can hear you]
i cant see you
[i cant touch you]
and,
for that,
i am lost.
i
[love you]
am
[nothing]
lost
[everything]
always
[in between]
alone
[brutally honest]
alone
[painfully sad]
-----ALONE.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
23:07

0 struck matches.

12.10.05
just a breath and nothing more.

just a breath
and nothing more.
[whispers in your ear].
just a breath, and nothing more.
time,
everchanging
evermoving
neverletit
----STOP.
just a breath
and nothing more.
you can feel it
rushing past you
fasterthanlife
slowerthandeath.
just a breath.
a single breath.
everytime you
take that breath
[fake that death]
you are running towards
[just a breath]
running towards
[just a breath]
running
[nothing]
run
[nothing]
run
[more]
----RUN
towards fate.
towards
-------FATE.
so take that breath
[fake that death]
hold it in
dont exhale
dont exhale
[just a breath and nothing more]
dont exhale
dont exhale
[just a breath and nothing more]
and time will always
run
[just]
run
[just]
----RUN
and you will never
[breathe]
meet
---your
--FATE.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
21:16

0 struck matches.

again...

and i find you in my arms again,
my nose buried in your hair again,
your warmth soaking into my body again,
your lips exploring mine again.
and i cant help but wonder,
do i get a second chance?
or is this just punishment for the last deed i did?
am i falling in love again,
only to be torn from it again?

or is this simply just happening for the hell of it?

will i ever know?
and does the reason really matter?

i wonder...

and i sit here,
thinking to myself,

why am i sitting here?

do i belong to anyone?

what is my PURPOSE?

and then i see your eyes,
----------her face,
----your smile,
-------------her laughter.

and i realise.

---------------it doesnt matter.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
21:10

0 struck matches.

thoughts.

i sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you--especially when you
are near me, as now: it is as if i had a string somewhere under my left
ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the
corresponding quarter of your little frame. and if that boisterous channel, and
two hundred miles or so of land come broad between us, i am afraid that
cord of communion will be snapt; and then ive a nervous notion i should
take to bleeding inwardly. as for you--youd forget me.

-jane eyre by charlotte bronte, chapter 23.

you say that youll be there,
but you wont.
you think i know what im doing,
but i dont.
and so this cycle will repeat itself.

if theres one thing he learned from a river,
its that everything always comes back.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
21:04

0 struck matches.

blurb of a story

all my life i have been betrayed. everything i have ever loved so violently taken no matter how tight my grasp may be. in the mirror, i see only a blur. i have been reduced to nothing, reduced to ashes. ashes that remain from the fire that has claimed my life. i see it as my own spontaneous human combustion. the fire, the death begins internally, eating at the insides, slowly making itself to your flesh, so the searing aching sensation you feel inside spreads outward, crippling your body. and this pain on my lips and hatred on tongue continue to mount. there are times when they are so thick, the words cannot escape. most of the time, i keep them here, locked inside my barely beating, barely existing heart. this is how my days are spent; fighting to breathe, to get out those words i desperately need to release. battling the demons that have graced my body. until, at the end of the day, i see her. just hearing her voice relieves me of all pain, all doubts that i have a reason to keep fighting. she gives the wilted petals of my soul life. the only life they have ever known. and at this time i know im killing her. her love gives me breath and mine suffocates. i give her all that i am, all that i will ever be. yet it isnt enough. my jagged pieces are broken and puncture her own functioning heart. i cannot hurt her any longer but am unable to let her go. i know i must save myself.


-danielle

bleeding inside since
17:13

0 struck matches.

these tears are my own.
but if you ask,
i will cry them all and fill a jar for you.
thats just how i am.
and these hands;
the blood coating them;
those are also mine.
stained crimson from my heart.
the one i single handedly ripped from my chest.
i know this has all been my doing.
and i crumple in shame.
because i dont know how to stop.
i cant look at myself in the mirror
and confess.
i cannot admit
what i have lost,
what i have loved.
i cant explain
what i am,
and i why i fear change,
why i cannot let go.
i know no reason
for my anger,
pure hatred.
i could never find the words to say
why i love him with every piece of me.
and why i cant seem to let the other one
slip out of my life.
i will never know
why i cried,
why i hold on,
why i am changed,
why the strongest hatred
flowing in my veins
is for only myself.
NEVER will i know
why i d i e d.

-dani.

bleeding inside since
17:05

0 struck matches.

on my broken wings
i fly then fall.
replaying the past over and over.
until it stings,
until i just cant stop bleeding.
even then, it continues.
my heart cant take much more.
the screams,
the anger,
the HURT.
i breathe it in like oxygen
to a faltering lung.
now this is apart of me.
and its something i need.
you are the only exception.
the only one that ever calmed me.
ever made me feel like something.
something worth feeling.
at the same time you
make me feel like nothing.
words so harsh
they sting my eyes.
i know i can never be what you need.
but ill always give you all that i am.
my love is stronger than words.
forever doesnt sound long enough
if its going to be with you.

-dani

bleeding inside since
17:01

0 struck matches.

10.10.05
announcement numero...i give up.

hey guys. another announcement. w have another new member! party. bailey. most of you know her. awesome.
and another thing. this blog is dying. or something. get off your lazy asses and POST. thank you.
love.
-jordan.

bleeding inside since
10:18

0 struck matches.

9.10.05
suspicion.

suspicion kissed you when i did.
i saw it creep up behind you,
its cold breath on your neck,
its hand around your waist.
just as i leaned in,
my mouth slightly parted,
it nibbled your neck,
whispered sweet nothings in your ear,
and took you.
i cupped your neck with one hand,
the back of your head with the other,
and explored your exquisite mouth
with mine.
but i could feel it watching us,
running a hand across your back,
over your lips,
through your hair.
we paused for breath,
and it stepped around us,
leaned down,
and kissed you,
deeply,
roughly,
lovingly.
and i knew,
in that instant,
that you would never be mine.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
09:41

0 struck matches.

1.10.05
the 300th post.

well guys, this is quite a milemarker. we have three hundred posts, seven or eight members, and weve been going for almost a year. i congratulate and thank you all for some awesome poetry and even better experiences.
[just so you know, 300 is important because after this post, i wont be able to look at them all on the same editing page anymore. lol.]
thanks so much.
love ya.
-jordan.

ps- in honor of this being the 3ooth post, i figure i might as well post some poetry.

use me.

u s e m e.
a b u s e m e.
f i g h t m e.
k i l l m e.
r a p e m e.
k i s s m e.
i am her p l a y t h i n g.
i know it.
thats all i am to her.
to everyone.
an object.
a pastime.
a t o y.
hold me close
and toss me aside
when the newer,
better,
diversion arrives.
only to be picked up again.
fooled again.
toyed with again.
and left.
'lets get high
and fuck around.'
i respect you,
but not for this.
n o t f o r t h i s.
everyone i know
[sans one]
regards me as an item
of pleasure,
of knowledge,
or whatever.
and i let them.
i l e t t h e m.

i let them.

-jordan.

bleeding inside since
11:25

0 struck matches.

# archivage.

10.04
11.04
12.04
01.05
02.05
03.05
04.05
05.05
06.05
07.05
08.05
09.05
10.05
11.05
12.05
01.06
02.06
03.06
04.06
07.06
11.09


# linkage.
aaron.
alltheworldtonothing.
bad poets society.
ben.
dani.
the end is near.
i dont own emotion. i rent.
jooutthewindow.
never ending story.
the nightjar.
lonely for the last time.
rosiebc6.
saccharinity.
second chances. from $26 995.
set my heart alight.
soph.
suicidiaries.

# bitch here.



# rules.
yes, sadly, there are rules. just cause im a control freak and i like our blog looking all nice. so. numero uno. no capitalization. unless it is absolutely necessary to the structure of your poem, no one wants to see it. numero dos. no apostrophes. i hate them, and theyre stupid. numero tres. no spelling errors. sorry for those of you who are slightly illiterate. but its hard to read poetry if it is fricking spelled wrong. numero quatro. sign your poems. ill take credit for them otherwise...*evil grin*. awesome. other than that, nothing else so far. you can use whatever font/size you want. any type of poem. etc. thank you.

# us.
name: jordan.
age: 15.
called: jo, dino, jooutthewindow, georgia.
contact: beckham2590@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, drawing, soccer, rowing, swimming, cello.
people: you know who you are.

not so much.

people: you know who you are.
things: juniper bushes, society, life. probably you, too.

music.

artist: green day, linkin park, jimmy eat world, evanescence, autopilot off, blink-182, simple plan, etc.

name: danielle.
age: 15.
called: dani, t-rex, daniel, wingy, doneal*a*thon, psycho.
contact: winged-one@comcast.net

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, wakeboarding, music.
people: not me.

not so much.

people: boys(lol, most but not all), he who must not be named.

music.

artist: korn, linkin park, staind, strata, disturbed.

name: dorota.
age: 17.
called: dorota, d, dorito, roacha...basically anything.
contact: kurczaczek91@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: rowing, swimming, viola, reading, just chilling and shaking my booty.
people: everyone who is nice and not michelle tillman.

not so much.

people: michelle tillman and all those bitchy whores out there.
things: sharks, jellyfish, and seaweed.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: bailey.
age: 16.
called: bay, bail, foomelody, crack whore.
contact: sportsgirlmidfield@hotmail.com

awesome.

pastimes: soccer, poetry, rocking out, people watching.
people: anyone who doesnt piss me off right away.

not so much.

people: anyone with a bad aura.
things: not being able to breathe under the covers.

music.

artist: foofighters, queens of the stone age, nirvana, black rebel motorcycle club, and many many others.

name: sophie.
age: 15.
called: sophsta, fefe, soph, soapie, the list goes on.
contact: wicked_lemons@yahoo.com

awesome.

pastimes: writing, art.
people: david bowie.

not so much.

people: pretentious people, and idiots who think theyre smart. theyre not.
things: math and spelling.

music.

artist: placebo, david bowie, new order, joy division, and the yeah yeah yeahs.

name: ben.
age: 15.
called: ben.
contact: Nerdsworld5643@aol.com

awesome.

pastimes: violin, reading, hanging out.
people: mes amis.

not so much.

people: no idea.
things: bananas.

music.

artist: anyone.

name: aaron.
age: 14.
called: aaron, asshole, raisin, furtard(why thats been extended to me, god only knows) whatever you want.
contact: newbluechampion666@hotmail.com.

awesome.

pastimes: baseball, sleeping, procrastinating, poeming.
people: who knows.

not so much.

people: The list is at 5 pages.
things: stairs, and broken headphones.

music.

artist: (this is gonna be long) everclear, cradle of filth, marilyn manson, metallica, linkin park, AFI, dave matthews band, everlast, spearhead, yellowcard.

name: michael.
age: 15.
called: evoldous, psycho child.
contact: mbhultman@msn.com.

awesome.

pastimes: skateboarding(is it a past time?).
people: danzaver, brixius, gabby, dan-yell, you know, all those people.

not so much.

people: i dont know, that one kid that wants to kill me.
things: those scion cars, they look like boxes.

music.

artist: icp, twiztid, marcy playground, kotton mouth kings, they might be giants, nirvana, metallica, more...


# credits
picture by jo.
layout by roxy_belle.